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Bear Jokes

 

 

When we put this website together, we wanted it to be a bit quirky and entertaining. We wanted to show everyone that we are good people providing great service, and that we have a sense of humor. In Alaska, there are just about as many bears as people, so it seemed logical that bear jokes had to have a place on our website.

 

If you haven’t seen our Alaska introductory video, which by the way has an awesome bear in it, click here.

 
I promise to be a member of the clean plate club!

 

 

 

 Bear Warning!

 

 

 

Q: How do you visually tell the difference between a black bear and a grizzly bear?
A: When you see the bear, climb a tree. If it climbs up the tree and kills you, it's a black bear. If it knocks the tree down and kills you, it's a grizzly bear.

 

 A Checkup

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup,
and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted.

"I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant,
and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said,
"Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter.
He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry,
and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods,
and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him!
He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear,
and squeezed the handle."

"And do you know what happened?"the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man.
"Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at..."
replied the doctor.

 

 

 

Bear in a Bar

This bear walks into a bar. Then he sits down and orders a beer.
The bartender, amazed that this bear can actually talk, gives him a beer.
The bear says, "What do I owe you?"
The bartender stops and thinks for a moment.
"Even though this bear is smart," thinks the bartender, "he probably hasn’t been in many bars."
So the bartender says, "That'll be ten dollars."
The bear forks over the money and starts drinking his beer.
After a few minutes, the bartender can't restrain his curiosity, so he walks back over to the bear and tries to strike up a conversation.
"You know, we don't get many bears in this bar."
The bear looks up from his beer and says, "Well, at ten bucks a beer, I'm not surprised."

 

 

 

What’s a balanced diet for a polar bear?
A seal in each paw.

 

 

What do Polar Bears eat for dinner?
“Brrrr-grrrrs”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Atheist and the Bear

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the
bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge
towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder
and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his
shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on
the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right
on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his
right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..." Time stopped.
The bear froze. The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky:
"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't
exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me
to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical
of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps
could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the
forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both
paws together and bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty
through Christ our Lord Amen."

 

 

 

 

Have any good, clean bear jokes, little known facts, or interesting trivia about bears? Send them our way and we will give you credit on the website!

Submit a Bear Joke